Confession here, I was petrified of arm balances for a long time. Now these are some of my favorite poses to practice, how did I go from extreme fear to love, I PRACTICED, over and over again. Let me take you back in time with me, to my bedroom, 2003….. specifically to my mat during one of my many home yoga practices.
This time in my life was truly magical, every pose was new and hard and the awakenings I would have were intense and awesome. I would set up my mat and a make-shift alter with a rock, a plant and a candle. I would often turn off the lights but keep enough light so I could follow my yoga books’ instructions about how to do the poses.
One of my favorite books at this time was 40 Days to Personal Revolution, by Baron Baptist, it had a cool section full of different sequences that I often followed. One of the poses was crow pose – Bakasana. To be honest I used to feel the hair of the back of my neck come up when I saw the picture so I often skipped it and said “bfffffpt…. yeah right,…. no way!”
I did not attend many public classes in 2003 but the ones I went to I had never seen the teacher instruct this or any other arm balance postures. The day came when I thought, screw it, I’m going to try it any way! I went for it, 100% effort. I can remember exactly how I put my hands, they were about 6 inches apart, palms turned in, index knuckles lifted off my mat and from there I took a deep breath, held it in as I “leaned forward” just like the book instructed.
There’s a possibility I held my breath for too long or I was just so scared at what was happening, it’s a bit of a blur but next thing I know, I went all the way over, off my mat, hit my face on the carpeted floor, banged my teeth, skinned my nose and chin! Clearly that experience left a pretty big mark in my consciousness. “NEVER AGAIN!” I promised myself, NEVER AGAIN!
About 6 months later, after skipping over crow pose in this sequence I started to feel like I was ready to try it again. I fell again but I did not smash my face this time and I didn’t commit to never trying it again, instead I recognized that it went better than last time.
I continued to dabble with crow pose here and there, and started to get a bit better at it. Then I realized something else, it really hurt my wrists A LOT!!!! I wasn’t able to breathe because whenever I did I felt the pain in my wrists even more. Enter…. Anusara Yoga!!!
Clear, succinct, easy to follow instructions backed up by sound biomechanics and voila, I’m an arm balancing queen! I noticed that my hands were way to close together, my palms were turned in (that was taking my scapula off my back) and placing my weight in my outer wrists, my upper back was rounded instead of having a soft upper back and melted heart, I plugged my index knuckles down and clawed my finger pads just as I was clearly instructed to do and I lifted my feet up off the ground with grace!!
This was a moment in my yoga history that I have never forgotten and never will. I was ready to face my fear, of literally falling on my face and when I did a part of me that I didn’t know existed stepped forward and smiled at me! I AM ENOUGH, I AM STRONG, I CAN DO WHAT I PUT MY MIND AND HEART INTO!
Now almost 10 years later, I get a tiny little excitement whenever I do an arm balance because I might just fall on my face. I’m okay with that because I have learned how to actually fall on my face with some control over my landing in fact I can fall forward out of crow onto my head, lift up into headstand, put my legs in lotus come back down into a different arm balance and then go back up to headstand and release back into crow, tadhaaa!!!!
It amazing to me what great lengths people will go to, in order to run away from their fears (myself included). Yoga is a practice that can empower us, over time, with consistency, to face what we need to so we can move forward and heal and also how to fall on our face with more grace and experiene the true freedom that we are meant too!
If your inspired, I hope you can make it to my class!!!
Om
Mindy